Friday, March 24, 2017

Forgotten Tragedies in Gaming: The 1987 Metroid Mind Blow!


As gaming evolves and becomes more and more mainstream pointing out acts of misogyny, racism, homophobia, patriarchy, and white privilege are far more common place than they were in the early days of gaming. However, this doesn't mean that these things didn't exist, it only means you were too complacent in their existence. These, forgotten tragedies of gaming will no longer be ignored or treated as some sacred cow from a simpler time. NO! I refuse to allow you and your white privilege to claim the past was all “good” and video games were once innocent. Video games were always horribly anti-woman, you were just too blind to see it! You were too content playing as your white privileged avatars to notice all the women and minorities you were harming with your hate speech! Yes, playing video games that are misogynistic and racist is a form of hate speech. In fact, simply owning an expensive Nintendo Entertainment System was hate speech because we all know they were priced extra expensive so minorities couldn't afford them. They were also placed in the boys aisles at department stores because video game companies like American owned Nintendo hate women as much as it hates diversity and loves Islamaphobia! If we are to be honest, Nintendo's mascot, Mario Mario, is a adulterous racist who attacked the poor brown skinned ape, which we all know is a stand in for People of Color, to rescue a white woman from his evil clutches as if to say white women don't belong with People of Color! I digress, because this isn't about Mario Mario, this is about your white privilege.

Now then, let us talk about the 1987 Metroid Mind Blow, an incident that left an entire generation into Nazi sympathizers. For those that have no clue, Metroid is the hero of a game of the same name where a space suit clad individual kills several natives of an alien world in support of a racist colonial Earth government, probably run by Donald Trump III! Anyway, Metroid removes the helmet after you beat the game and is revealed to be a transgender woman which caused the minds of many Cis males to go into temporary comas as their minds were literally blown. This shocking reveal caused their young Cis minds to become twisted so that when they recovered from their catatonic state to have a deep seated hatred of women. They are especially hateful of powerful, beautiful women like Amy Schumer, Lena Dunham, and Leslie Jones! These damaged young men would grow up and head the hateful Gamer Gate movement, which is why we need to hand over final edit and complete design control of video games to willing humble, peace loving, soft spoken Feminist like Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn. Thank you for reading and be ready for the next Forgotten Tragedies of Gaming where I will discuss Sega's Streets of Rage...& Misogyny!

*All images are owned by their respective copyright holders and are used under fair use guidelines

Thursday, March 9, 2017

6 Villians The Avengers Could Face After Infinity War And How It Might Happen!

The Avengers have survived an alien invasion of New York and a super computer named Ultron, but in 2018 they will face one of the biggest threats to ever appear in the Marvel Universe, comics or otherwise, Thanos. If facing Thanos wasn't bad enough in and of itself, Thanos is expected to have all six Infinity Stones gathered and resting on his golden gauntlet affectionately called the Infinity Gauntlet in the comics. Despite how big of a threat Thanos is, no one expects him to win, though he is sure to shake up the MCU. While others are focusing on what sort of army or back-up Thanos could bring with him, I am looking to the future and trying to predict who will be the next threat to the universe that the Avengers have to put down. What follows is 6 villains the Avengers could face after Infinity War and how it might happen.
6: The Maestro
If you have no idea who The Maestro is nor could you venture a guess based on the picture, he is an evil version of the Hulk from the future. The Maestro is stronger, smarter, and far more nasty than any version of the Hulk and in several comics he not only rules the world but has killed off every other hero and villain who dared to oppose him. With the Hulk showing up in Thor Ragnarok and being part of some sort of gladiatorial arena I expect the Hulk to be portrayed as having a far greater intellect than we have seen from him thus far. In fact, if they truly embrace the Planet Hulk storyline as they claim they are, then Bruce Banner and The Hulk finding peace and becoming one would be a great way to sow the seeds of a Maestro appearance in the MCU. As a being stronger than any member of the Avengers he would prove a truly formidable opponent, but when you add in his intellect and strategic planning abilities then he could be the deadliest enemy the Avengers will ever face. 

5: Immortus and Kang The Conquer
Immortus and Kang are both time traveling humans who have crossed the paths of the Avengers in the comics and cartoons plenty of times. Immortus is less a villain and more of a misguided "hero" who is charged with protecting the timeline. As such, I could see him show up, and to paraphrase Mordo in the Dr. Strange movie, to make Dr. Strange and the Avengers "pay the bill that has come due" do to all the use of the Time Stone in both Dr. Strange and Avengers Infinity War. Immortus could revive any dead Avengers or villains as part of his Legion of the Unliving like he does in the comics forcing the Avengers to fight their dead friends. After defeating Immortus the Avengers could find out he was trying to fix the timeline in order to stop the coming of Kang! Kang, the evil despotic future version of Immortus, wants nothing more than to defeat the Avengers and add the 21st Century to his list of claimed time domains. Kang using his power of time travel could allow Marvel to slip in new actors for the roles of key characters by saying Kang or Immortus changed the past thus causing a new version of the present. An example would be causing Tony Stark to lose the use of his legs and thus Col. Rhodes became Iron Man with Stark acting as his armor maker. They could make any changes they needed to casting and it would all fit into the narrative and shoot new life into the MCU.

4: The Champion (The Contest of The Champion)
With The Collecter already in the MCU and The Grandmaster set to appear in Thor Ragnarok, the appearance of a third, or fourth if Ego turns out to be an Elder like I predict, Elder wouldn't be too far fetched. The Champion of the Universe, or Tryco Slatterus, is a powerful being who has dedicated his nearly immortal life to fighting and winning. I could see him showing up to challenge the members of the MCU to combat lest Earth be destroyed either on his own or as part of a plan set in motion by The Grandmaster. This could lead to the heroes of the MCU having to face off with one another to pick several warriors to face The Champion, or we could see The Champion make his way through them one by one until he faces either The Hulk or a Destroyer powered Iron Man suit.

3: Loki (Acts of Vengeance)
As one of the most popular characters in the MCU, Loki slipping into the role of main threat would be very well received by fans of the movies. Now, in the comics Loki once orchestrated an event called Acts of Vengeance where he convinced the villains of the Marvel comics to switch heroes and go after targets that would be unfamiliar with them, giving them a better chance at victory. Now in the comics it wasn't revealed to be Loki until midway through the event, with each main villain thinking it was them who came up with this idea. This could allow a lot of set-up in each heroes own movie, such as a Captain America movie where he faces off with The Mandarin or an Iron Man movie that sees Iron Man try to stop a rampaging Abomination. This would all lead up to an Avengers movie that sees all the heroes of the MCU face off with all the MCU villains!

2: The X-Men
This is a long shot, but if they want to introduce the X-Men into the MCU they have to either reboot the MCU or show the X-Men exist in an alternate reality/dimension. Imagine if The Grandmaster challenges the Avengers to a contest and instead of picking villains from the MCU like you might expect, instead shows up with The X-Men! A drag out, knock down, winner take all contest between these two teams would be freaking epic! Making this movie would basically allow Marvel Studios and Fox to print money with the amount of tickets they would sell.

1: Galactus and his Heralds
Like the X-Men this is another long shot as the rights to Galctus are held by Fox, but if Marvel Studios and Sony can cut a deal then anything is possible. Galactus showing up and trying to devour the Earth would cause every hero in the MCU to take up arms and go on the offensive. Add in the many heralds he has had over the years as lieutenants and you got the recipe for a great battle between to powerful forces. So, what do you think? Did I forget someone who could be a better villain? As always. feel free to comment, like, share, tweet, or whatever other thing you kids do on your social media these days.

*All images are owned by their respective copyright holders and are used under fair use guidelines

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Retro Review: Final Fantasy Mystic Quest, The Black Sheep of the Final Fantasy Family


Recently, as I was perusing some YouTube channels, I ran across a video trashing the game Final Fantasy Mystic Quest. Now, I won't try to tell you that it is the greatest game ever, but by no means is it a horrible game. In fact, it's a pretty good game. The reasons that this game gets so much hate is right there in the name... Final Fantasy. You see, what you need to remember when playing Mystic Quest is that it isn't intended for RPG veterans or hardcore Final Fantasy players. On the contrary, this game is an entry point into the genre, letting RPG virgins get their feet wet before diving into a full fledged title with all the bells, whistles, and hundreds of hours of gameplay. Had the game been released simply as Mystic Quest without Final Fantasy in the title, it would have been seen by more people how I see it.

The game places you in the shoes of Benjamin: an adventure who is climbing the Hill of Destiny. During his climb, his hometown is destroyed in an earthquake. Despite wishing to return home, he is met by a mysterious Old Man who tells Benjamin he must fulfill the Prophecy of the Knight. You are therefore charged with finding the Four Elemental Crystals and restoring the power of the Focus Tower. As you travel the world, Benjamin meets various quirky characters and adventurers (some of whom will join you in battle, of course). Although nowhere as deep as modern RPGs, the story keeps your attention, doesn't bog you down with tons of named npcs, and doesn't require you to learn intricate back stories of everyone you meet. Streamlined and simple is the way the game treats story, travel, and battle.

One of the coolest features in this game is the way enemy sprites (which are huge) change to reflect the damage you inflict on them. Goblins gain scars. Ice Golems slowly melt. Giant bone monsters lose bones until they are nothing but a pile of dust. This feature alone would make combat in newer rpgs several times better. Could you imagine playing Skyrim and the dragon you're fighting slowly losing flesh and blood as you attack it? The main Final Fantasy series as a whole would be better off if they adopted this unique feature, instead of using the tired mechanic of monsters disappearing when they are dead. Mystic Quest was also incredibly entertaining the way it let the player use weapons outside of battles. Swords can push switches, axes chop down trees, and a claw can be used like a Legend of Zelda hook shot. Each one is added just when you start to get bored with the previous one so you're never left feeling underwhelmed by upgrades.

You might be thinking, "This guy likes the game... but he doesn't seem to love it." Well, I've been holding back a little. You see, I have always considered myself an rpg player first and foremost. Rpg, jrpg, tactical rpg: if it was remotely rpg, I played it. My love of the genre is so vast that I've played Beyond the Beyond, SaGa Frontier, and Vandal Hearts to completion. For those who haven't played them... they sucked! The truth is, I was introduced to the rpg genre by this game. Without this game, I wouldn't be the gamer I am today. You see, this game set out to lure kids into a genre that was seen at the time as extremely long, difficult, and too complicated for anyone who wasn't a hardcore gamer. Final Fantasy Mystic Quest gives noobs strong basics and a new appreciation for the rpg genre without bogging them down in menus. Any game that generates new love beyond basic platformers and shooters can't be all bad. This is why I love Final Fantasy Mystic Quest and why you should too! As always. feel free to comment, like, share, tweet, or whatever other thing you kids do on your social media these days.


*All images are owned by their respective copyright holders and are used under fair use guidelines