Friday, March 24, 2017

Forgotten Tragedies in Gaming: The 1987 Metroid Mind Blow!


As gaming evolves and becomes more and more mainstream pointing out acts of misogyny, racism, homophobia, patriarchy, and white privilege are far more common place than they were in the early days of gaming. However, this doesn't mean that these things didn't exist, it only means you were too complacent in their existence. These, forgotten tragedies of gaming will no longer be ignored or treated as some sacred cow from a simpler time. NO! I refuse to allow you and your white privilege to claim the past was all “good” and video games were once innocent. Video games were always horribly anti-woman, you were just too blind to see it! You were too content playing as your white privileged avatars to notice all the women and minorities you were harming with your hate speech! Yes, playing video games that are misogynistic and racist is a form of hate speech. In fact, simply owning an expensive Nintendo Entertainment System was hate speech because we all know they were priced extra expensive so minorities couldn't afford them. They were also placed in the boys aisles at department stores because video game companies like American owned Nintendo hate women as much as it hates diversity and loves Islamaphobia! If we are to be honest, Nintendo's mascot, Mario Mario, is a adulterous racist who attacked the poor brown skinned ape, which we all know is a stand in for People of Color, to rescue a white woman from his evil clutches as if to say white women don't belong with People of Color! I digress, because this isn't about Mario Mario, this is about your white privilege.

Now then, let us talk about the 1987 Metroid Mind Blow, an incident that left an entire generation into Nazi sympathizers. For those that have no clue, Metroid is the hero of a game of the same name where a space suit clad individual kills several natives of an alien world in support of a racist colonial Earth government, probably run by Donald Trump III! Anyway, Metroid removes the helmet after you beat the game and is revealed to be a transgender woman which caused the minds of many Cis males to go into temporary comas as their minds were literally blown. This shocking reveal caused their young Cis minds to become twisted so that when they recovered from their catatonic state to have a deep seated hatred of women. They are especially hateful of powerful, beautiful women like Amy Schumer, Lena Dunham, and Leslie Jones! These damaged young men would grow up and head the hateful Gamer Gate movement, which is why we need to hand over final edit and complete design control of video games to willing humble, peace loving, soft spoken Feminist like Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn. Thank you for reading and be ready for the next Forgotten Tragedies of Gaming where I will discuss Sega's Streets of Rage...& Misogyny!

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